Saturday, March 23, 2013
the letter
the second time i handed in the letter was like the first. a decision made in haste, yet a decision that was long in the coming. yet it was different as well. the first time it felt almost right. i was going ahead in my career, i had a pay bump, i was going somewhere everyone else wanted to go to. this time, i'm not so sure. and i was almost, almost talked into staying. it's true, i'll not be able to find another job which pays me $135k p.a., nor one which attaches such a brand name. i'm not even sure where i'll end up at now. just over 2 years into working life, and i'm already moving into my third job. for the first time in years i'm not sure how to tell my parents about something.
am i just lazy? there are those at wongp who have withstood much longer hours and have persevered on still. my hours have comparatively been better. yet being in a relatively better position isn't quite enough for me. i want a job that doesn't consume my life, that doesn't make me dread mondays, and that doesn't make me fear losing my weekends. i want a job that doesn't stress me to the point where i spend every waking moment worrying over work. yet i want a job with good prospects and salary. we don't always get what we want. there are attributes to success which i've come to realise and admit that i just don't have. that kind of doggedness and ambition.
yet in spite of all the worries there's relief. a relief that comes with the letter. a loss of expectation. a bright light at the end of the tunnel. is this bright light a false dawn? i will know in time to come.
the second time i handed in the letter was like the first. a decision made in haste, yet a decision that was long in the coming. yet it was different as well. the first time it felt almost right. i was going ahead in my career, i had a pay bump, i was going somewhere everyone else wanted to go to. this time, i'm not so sure. and i was almost, almost talked into staying. it's true, i'll not be able to find another job which pays me $135k p.a., nor one which attaches such a brand name. i'm not even sure where i'll end up at now. just over 2 years into working life, and i'm already moving into my third job. for the first time in years i'm not sure how to tell my parents about something.
am i just lazy? there are those at wongp who have withstood much longer hours and have persevered on still. my hours have comparatively been better. yet being in a relatively better position isn't quite enough for me. i want a job that doesn't consume my life, that doesn't make me dread mondays, and that doesn't make me fear losing my weekends. i want a job that doesn't stress me to the point where i spend every waking moment worrying over work. yet i want a job with good prospects and salary. we don't always get what we want. there are attributes to success which i've come to realise and admit that i just don't have. that kind of doggedness and ambition.
yet in spite of all the worries there's relief. a relief that comes with the letter. a loss of expectation. a bright light at the end of the tunnel. is this bright light a false dawn? i will know in time to come.